star trek"Sisko throttled the Cardassian with a bottle of catsup"
Well I had to give that a try. Here is one of the stories I submitted last year. It did not make it into the anthology - no ketchup story did, though one was on the alternate's list. Stories that don't make it in the anthology but are slated in case a winning story cannot be placed. Anyway the usual disclaimers apply to my story. The characters are NOT mine and I wasn't compensated in any way for my writing.
A Gourmet Tale
By: V H Hosking
Sisko throttled the Cardassian with a bottle of catsup. He grabbed the bottle by its neck and swung it like a baseball bat, connecting with the unsuspecting Cardassian’s head, his face landing in the sem’hal stew with a sickening smack.
The fact that Sisko was able to render the Cardassian unconscious with one whack gave him some satisfaction. However, he placed a hand on the man’s head, turning it to one side, rendering him unconscious was one thing, allowing him to drown in his own supper was quite another. Then Sisko put the catsup bottle back on the table, swiping his hands together a few times for a job well done.
“What did you do?” Quark asked, coming over to investigate.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“I beg to differ, Commander,” Quark said, checking to see if his other customer was still breathing. After all it was difficult to collect from a dead customer. He looked back up at Sisko. “He’s out cold.”
“Serves him right for insulting the way I eat my sem’hal. I didn’t berate him for not using any catsup.”
“Sem’hal,” Quark asked incredulously. “This whole mess is over sem’hal stew?”
“No Quark, it isn’t over the stew. It’s over the catsup. I’ll have you know catsup is a gourmet condiment. No one insults my catsup and gets away with it.”
Quark shook his head. “Look Commander, I don’t care what you do with your gourmet condiments as long as I get paid for the two bowls of sem’hal sitting here.”
“Alright Quark, there’s no need to get your panties all in a bunch. You can deduct my meal and his,” Sisko said, throwing his thumb at the unconscious Cardassian, “from Garak’s account.”
Panties in a bunch? Quark wondered as Sisko left without another word. He took the catsup bottle off the table and left the mess for his brother, Rom, to pick up. I’ll never understand these humans, Quark thought as he stashed the bottle behind his bar.
Catsup or no catsup sem’hal stew is unpalatable.
# # #
Jake Sisko put the padd down on the table, glancing at his opening sentence. There was a certain art to telling a gourmet tale, and Jake was happy with his start.
Throttled. Now there’s a gold pressed latinum word, he thought. The young Sisko wore a Cheshire grin as he picked up another spoonful of gumbo.
Throttled was a great action word but it didn’t answer the one question most humans were now asking on the space station. When will Quark put the catsup bottles back out on the tables?
For more info on the Strange New World anthologies: http://www.simonsays.com/content/feature.cfm?feature_id=5261&tab=24
A Note from Dean: Every editor has a certain taste. A new editor in any magazine, or
anthology series, will bring different things to the table, and thus
you should give your stories a chance.
So don't talk to me about if there should be another or not. <g> I am
out of the picture as soon as I turn in this year's stories.
And please pass this e-mail on. I'm retiring from SNW. I have no
control over there being another SNW or not.
Cheers
Dean
